Self Regulation

“If you cant self-regulate your emotions, your relationships will be chaos.

If you cant co-regulate with your partner, your inner world will be chaos.

Healthy relationships require learning both skills, not just relying on one.

Co-regulation requires a certain degree of Self-regulation. If you are not able to work through the more intense feelings around frustration, anger and resentment before turning to your partner, you may not experience co-regulation, and instead you will simply trigger each other – the opposite of co-regulation.

Also, co-regulation is not about using “I feel” statements to cover over the resentment or anger underneath the words. It starts with working with what you’re feeling in a way that leads to constructive, collaborative and emotionally safe dialogue.

Talking about what’s happening inside you – in a way that feels emotionally safe to the other person. This is the importance and power of effective self-regulation.

Co-regulation then becomes easeful, which also contributes to deeper self-regulation, and a positive ripple effect is formed in the relationship with the foundation of emotional safety for everyone involved. This is the beginning of deeper, more soulful and nourishing forms of intimacy.

When it comes to relationships between Men & Women, I’ve seen people telling women that a “real” man will be able to “hold space” for a woman regardless of how she speaks to him. This is just leading women into a fantasy version of relationships. Men respond to Women, just as Women respond to Men. If he brings his unprocessed anger to you, that impacts you. If you bring criticism and blame to him, that impacts him. It’s not because he’s not a ‘real man’, it’s because he’s not a robot.

It’s time to let go of those wounded teachings around relationships, and discover the art of true intimacy.

Everyone, no matter gender, benefits from learning more effective forms of self-regulation, co-regulation and a more collaborative style of communication that supports both.”

— Serdar Hararovich

▲▴◭

Unknown's avatar

Author: GreatCosmicMothersUnited

I have joined with many parents affected with the surreal , yet accepted issue of child abuse via Pathogenic Parenting / Domestic abuse. As a survivor of Domestic Abuse, denial abounded that 3 sons were not affected. In my desire to be family to those who have found me lacking . As a survivor of psychiatric abuse, therapist who abused also and toxic prescribed medications took me to hell on earth with few moments of heaven. I will share my life, my experiences and my studies and research.. I will talk to small circles and I will council ; as targeted parents , grandparents , aunts , uncles etc. , are denied contact with a child for reasons that serve the abuser ...further abusing the child. I grasp the trauma and I have looked at the lost connection to a higher power.. I grasp when one is accustomed to privilege, equality can feel like discrimination.. Shame and affluence silences a lot of facts , truths that have been labeled "negative". It is about liberation of the soul from projections of a alienator , and abuser ..

Leave a comment