Family Enablers – Charlie McCready

Do you have an experience of family and friends being supporters/enablers of the alienating parent? It can be shocking and hurtful. My own twin brother and sister-in-law did this to me. I was really surprised and disappointed to discover what they truly thought of me. It turned out they thought I’d stolen money from my mother and that was the reason I had done, in their eyes, quite well in the world. In fact, it was the other way around, pure projection, possibly to cover up their own issues, sense of lack, jealousy and whatever else was going on with them. My sister-in-law frequently communicated with my ex, and it seemed they spent many a happy hour on the phone discussing my various faults and wrongdoings. But the point is that, our own family, and our friends, may turn out not to like us or respect us very much when push comes to shove. Going through a traumatic experience, you find out who your true friends are, and your family can be the most hurtful of all. Because there’s an expectation that they’ll have our backs, they’ll make an effort to understand it from our point of view and support us. You may find out otherwise because some of them will take sides against you, aligning with the alienator. Grandparents may do this because it’s their best means of seeing their grandchildren, and they might blame us for all the problems, just as the alienating parent does. It adds insult to injury, as many things do in this experience. But we find out the truth. And that’s no bad thing. We learn to cut ties where necessary, pull up the drawbridge, gather strength, and choose to just be around the people who treat us as we deserve to be treated. With love and respect and kindness, and as we treat those people, too.

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Author: GreatCosmicMothersUnited

I have joined with many parents affected with the surreal , yet accepted issue of child abuse via Pathogenic Parenting / Domestic abuse. As a survivor of Domestic Abuse, denial abounded that 3 sons were not affected. In my desire to be family to those who have found me lacking . As a survivor of psychiatric abuse, therapist who abused also and toxic prescribed medications took me to hell on earth with few moments of heaven. I will share my life, my experiences and my studies and research.. I will talk to small circles and I will council ; as targeted parents , grandparents , aunts , uncles etc. , are denied contact with a child for reasons that serve the abuser ...further abusing the child. I grasp the trauma and I have looked at the lost connection to a higher power.. I grasp when one is accustomed to privilege, equality can feel like discrimination.. Shame and affluence silences a lot of facts , truths that have been labeled "negative". It is about liberation of the soul from projections of a alienator , and abuser .. View all posts by GreatCosmicMothersUnited