The heartbreaking and frustrating thing for alienated parents is that we can’t force our children to see things from our point of view or, at the very least, to see things in a more balanced way. We crave justice, and it is hard to resist trying to tell them right from wrong, to tell them our truth, to teach them that this (parental alienation) isn’t the way a loving parent behaves, that we love them, we want them in our lives, we’re not who they’ve been led to believe we are, and that we grieve for the lost time, and lost love. Unfortunately, if we put this to them too soon, too much, and they’re not ready to hear it (they may never be completely), we risk pushing them away. They don’t (want to) see their alienation or that they’ve been in any way complicit. They were acting in the only way they knew how to survive the nightmare situation their alienating parent put them in. They’ve listened to mistruths and fictions about us. It is a test of patience and love, waiting for them to wake up from this nightmare and see the light. So, we have to learn to accept where we are. It’s not what we envisaged. It’s painful. We must adapt our parenting (or inability to parent given the circumstances) to an abnormal situation. Learning to let go of grief and anger is essential because otherwise, we stay stuck, and when we’ve not let go of that (through acceptance) it’s not going to encourage the child to be with us. Whenever and however you can, let your child feel safe, loved and supported. Let them feel heard (and wait for the time to be right for you to be heard). It’s extremely challenging to see the way they behave, reject and criticise and where they’ve become grandiose, parentified, and weaponised. Some even become abusive, and this can lead them to feel immense remorse and guilt and shame as and when they learn the truth. They can feel totally duped and betrayed when they find out. All I can suggest is to live your life, best you can today. Whenever you have the opportunity, show up in peace, with love and kindness, looks forwards, be positive. Leave the past in the past, and focus on the love and good in your life, and the present chapter you are living.
#charliemccready
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#ParentalAlienationSyndrome
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