The Alienating Parent

The alienating parent, often exhibiting traits of a personality disorder, strategically withholds the child as a form of punishing you for perceived wrongs. This punitive action is often triggered by a variety of emotional wounds, abandonment issues, and feelings of being unloved, which may have laid dormant until the stressors of separation or divorce surfaced. Having said that, in many instances, the signs of the alienating parent’s tendencies were not completely dormant, but may have been present even before the formal separation. Perhaps you hesitate to take action, fearing the potential escalation of conflicts, knowing what you do.

The root of the alienating parent’s behaviour is multifaceted. Not only might they harbour jealousy towards you, but they may also, deep down, not feel loveable themselves, attempting to fill this (narcissistic wound) pain and void through controlling and deceitful tactics. Exposing the truth, could jeopardise the alienating parent’s control over the child’s narrative and affection, leading them to fabricate a distorted reality – creating negativity, fear and confusion around you as a parent. The alienated child, having internalised these falsehoods, becomes a conduit for the alienating parent’s thoughts, beliefs, and behaviours.

This aligned behaviour includes refusing mediation or collaborating with anything. They make life difficult. But some alienated children remember the good times before the alienating kicked in. This causes them to suffer cognitive dissonance. They can’t hold two truths in their mind. It is ‘easier’ for them to cut off. To see you and to go through therapy, to hear your version of events, can be upsetting and confusing. But keep on being the role model. Whether you have time with your child or not, focus on your life, happiness, and well-being. Being such a contrast to the person the alienating parent says you are may plant seeds in the child’s mind about what is true or false.

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Author: GreatCosmicMothersUnited

I have joined with many parents affected with the surreal , yet accepted issue of child abuse via Pathogenic Parenting / Domestic abuse. As a survivor of Domestic Abuse, denial abounded that 3 sons were not affected. In my desire to be family to those who have found me lacking . As a survivor of psychiatric abuse, therapist who abused also and toxic prescribed medications took me to hell on earth with few moments of heaven. I will share my life, my experiences and my studies and research.. I will talk to small circles and I will council ; as targeted parents , grandparents , aunts , uncles etc. , are denied contact with a child for reasons that serve the abuser ...further abusing the child. I grasp the trauma and I have looked at the lost connection to a higher power.. I grasp when one is accustomed to privilege, equality can feel like discrimination.. Shame and affluence silences a lot of facts , truths that have been labeled "negative". It is about liberation of the soul from projections of a alienator , and abuser ..

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