Deflection – Charlie McCarthy

Self-awareness is healing, but it’s unlikely an alienating parent cares about this. They prefer to deflect. But without seeing ourselves clearly, and instead, putting all the blame on others, we don’t move on/heal. In relationships we are mirrors.

If someone says or does something that triggers us, we might react by pushing it away, ignoring it, denying it, or turning it back onto the other person – deflection. It’s a coping mechanism like a shield protecting the ‘deflector’ from painful memories, thoughts or emotions. Projection is not when a person sees something in themselves they don’t like as opposed to seeing it in others so they project it out onto others (the cheating person who doesn’t like cheating in others, and excuses themselves). A person who wants to deflect something said about themselves might even say that person is projecting. It’s tricky stuff! It’s all about denial, and not being responsible or accepting blame, and not taking on board any shame or guilt. As an example, a child gets into drugs while living with one parent who blames it on something the other parent did or didn’t do. These people – alienating parents – cannot bear to see themselves in a bad light. Everything must be someone else’s fault. There are deep wounds going on here. The opposite of deflecting is reflecting. Those mirrors again. Seeing ourselves in a clear light, warts and all, as they say. Not looking to deflect any wrongdoings onto someone else to hurt them instead of protecting our own unhealed wounds. But this is what the alienating parent does. Probably if you’re reading this, you’ve been on the receiving end of this, and you are willing to do the work of self-reflection and healing. It’s near impossible to have a truthful, authentic, close relationship with someone who deflects. In most relationships, it’s usually a case that ‘it takes two’ and no one person can have 100% blame. The alienating parent wants the ‘target’ parent to take 100% blame. It’s just not true. They should take a long, hard look in the mirror.

Author: GreatCosmicMothersUnited

I have joined with many parents affected with the surreal , yet accepted issue of child abuse via Pathogenic Parenting / Domestic abuse. As a survivor of Domestic Abuse, denial abounded that 3 sons were not affected. In my desire to be family to those who have found me lacking . As a survivor of psychiatric abuse, therapist who abused also and toxic prescribed medications took me to hell on earth with few moments of heaven. I will share my life, my experiences and my studies and research.. I will talk to small circles and I will council ; as targeted parents , grandparents , aunts , uncles etc. , are denied contact with a child for reasons that serve the abuser ...further abusing the child. I grasp the trauma and I have looked at the lost connection to a higher power.. I grasp when one is accustomed to privilege, equality can feel like discrimination.. Shame and affluence silences a lot of facts , truths that have been labeled "negative". It is about liberation of the soul from projections of a alienator , and abuser .. View all posts by GreatCosmicMothersUnited