I’ve come to understand that this isn’t about me personally; it’s a deeply rooted attachment pathology, and complex family dynamic involving disordered parenting. It’s spiralled into a situation where my child’s thoughts, beliefs and behaviours have been significantly influenced – trauma-bonded, coercively controlled, emotionally manipulated. Learning about this has helped me see the bigger picture, though I am working on my sense of isolation, frustration, injustice, and of course the grief. There’s nothing like it. People say it’s like a ‘living bereavement’ and that’s so true. It seems people don’t truly understand this unless they’ve been through it, and alienated parents are united in feeling let down by the mental health and family court system.
Still, I’ve learned a lot. I’ve learned not to react to the hurtful behaviour anymore. Sometimes, I catch myself just shaking my head, thinking, ‘Oh, this again.’ It’s like recognising a pattern. I remind myself that ‘this too will pass.’ My focus now is on maintaining my love for my child, even if they can’t see it right now. Detaching with love has become my way of preserving our bond through this difficult time. Nobody can take the love I have for my child away from me. Nothing and no one.
Conscious parenting plays a significant role here. It’s about recognising the importance of my child’s emotional well-being even when they may not fully comprehend it themselves. So, I make an effort to create a safe and loving space for them whenever/should they ever walk through my door. My door, and my heart, are open. I don’t let their negative behaviour dictate my response. Instead, I model the behaviour I want them to see—unconditional love, patience, and understanding. It’s challenging, but it’s also empowering because I believe this will help me and it will help my child heal when they’re ready.
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GreatCosmicMothersUnite 