One Mom / Step Mom shares the family situation
Everyone says not to give up on the alienated child. They say the child will come back to the alienated parent one day. We all of course know that this doesn’t always happen, and actually rarely happens at all. They say to continue the messages of love. They say to be understanding and give grace despite what the child says and does. But at what point do you say enough is enough? I understand continuing the messages if your child has just simply gone quiet, but what do you do when the child has seriously set out to hurt your family in any way possible, including hurting your other children?
We did the love bombing for years, it got us nowhere. Our child has been so ugly to us and our children over the last few years since she fell victim to parental alienation. We understand that this is not her fault, but her mother’s, but at the same time, she is almost 18 years old and simply knows better then to treat people, especially those who love her, the way she has. We know that we taught her better then this! It is all so exhausting, as I know you guys all know.
I personally do not feel like I can just look past everything our daughter and her mother have done to hurt our family, the threats that have been made, etc.. As much as I love our child, and understand that this isn’t her as much as it is her mother who has alienated her from us, I feel the blame can not only be placed on the mother. Our daughter has still chosen to do the things she has done, including refusing to even see her siblings that she was once so close to, in over 3 years now. She manipulates any and every situation to get what she wants. The same thing her mother has done her entire life, that she used to absolutely despise about her mother. We just can’t continue on like this. It’s not healthy to us or our other children. So at what point do you say, NO MORE, and just focus on the children you have in the home who need you even more now because of everything their sister and her mother have done?
*the alienated child I speak about is my almost 18 year old step daughter who I’ve been step mom to since she was a year and a half old. We for years were very very close as her mother was physically and mentally abusive. It wasn’t until she became mad at her dad and I for grounding her from her phone for repeatedly lying to us, that her mother stopped physically abusing her and started letting her do what she wanted. We were made into these horrible people because we grounded her. It was that simple of a situation that has led to us now having absolutely no relationship with our daughter for more then 3 years now. All because her dad was being a dad, and neither she nor the mother liked it. We have tried and tried to talk things out, work through issues, but have been refused. My husband has attended therapy with his daughter where he was told that if she didn’t like what he had to say, then she would stop sessions, which she did after 3, 30 minute sessions. She refuses to speak face to face (and her mother refuses to allow it) because through text, my step daughter can be a keyboard warrior and be as mean as she wants, something she wouldn’t do in person. For years and years my step daughter had a horrible relationship with her mother because of the abuse she endured. When they would get into arguments while my step daughter was with us, the mother would refuse to speak about it over the phone or through text. She would always state that they would speak face to face when she got home. But then when the tables turned, we were refused that same courtesy. My husband was told he didn’t need to have his daughter face to face to work through things. Before, when our daughter didn’t want to go for her mom’s parenting time and would be hyperventilating crying, the mother would threaten to call the police and have her committed if she didn’t go. But then again, when the tables were turned and she was refusing to come for our parenting time, it was now, “her choice” and the mother wouldn’t make her “go somewhere she didn’t want to be”. Like what?!? So because SD was now mad at us, pulling away from us, everything changed, so that the mother could again, keep all control.
In court, back in December, the mother blatantly lied over and over to get what she wanted. Stating that my husband had refused all parenting time, that he didn’t care about his daughter’s health and well-being, despite him being the one who had handled all medical appointments. She said he refused to show up for special events for his child, when in reality he was not even told she had said events, like a school pageant she was in where the only way he would have known about said event is if he had been told by his daughter or her mother. The mother had her boyfriend of the week there, but couldn’t be bothered to tell her child’s father. Lie after lie was told. She claimed all this time that she wasn’t breaking the court order because it was the daughter’s decisions, but then why lie about everything to a judge? Why can’t you tell the truth if you’ve done no wrong?
Sorry for the vent, we are just so over all of this. We miss the daughter she used to be. The honest, caring, and sweet daughter she was. Who she is now is not even someone we recognize besides it being identical to her mother. It’s exhausting, and we can’t go on like this. It’s not fair to ourselves or our other children.
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