I wrote this piece in 2014. After stumbling upon it recently, I realized (with sadness) that not much has changed in over 7 years in regards to narcissistic abuse victims receiving the help they need.
Authors are still writing books claiming that there are ways to “make it work” with a narcissist.
Many therapists are also making these claims though, in my experience, I haven’t encountered a single survivor of narcissistic abuse who has witnessed such change outside of these therapy offices.
Most narcissists will STILL never be diagnosed, much less change their hateful and malicious ways.
Many mental health professionals continue to act like it’s a scandal when people use the word ‘narcissist’, smugly stating that only trained professionals can make such diagnoses, when thousands of them fail to do so themselves, putting abuse victims in harm’s way and ruining the lives of generations.
Even with all the newfangled theories and diatribes about “self-aware” narcissists and those who are self-proclaimed “diagnosed” narcissists, there is little leeway being made in the lives of abuse victims.
Despite all the contemporary “trauma-informed” therapy and approaches, narcissistic abuse victims still struggle immensely in the wake of toxic relationships.
It seems we’ve barely scratched the surface in the 7 years since I wrote this short essay.
Don’t get me wrong, abuse survivors are still liberating themselves and healing, but it’s mostly because of their warrior spirits and noble bravery.
It’s because there’s a small spark inside of them; memories of being happy; snapshots in the corners of their minds about the possibility of a different life – keeping the faith that there MUST be more to life than THIS.
And there is. There will always be.
The trick is that you can’t see clearly unless you remove yourself from the traumatic influences of narcissistic spouses, partners, family members, coworkers, etc.
And this is my prayer, too. That you find the will to choose yourself and a happier life. A healed life. One where you decide you’ll never cater to an abuser’s ways ever again.
Holding you in my heart. Xo