I have recently’finally’ started writing again—at this point just snippets of thoughts as they come to m, in a flurry, as my hands and fingers (praise God) are won’t to allow me to do from time to time) it seems when I pound the keyboard, as if in anger, enough neural connection, at times comes through to get words down which is a new experience for me — though it’s hard to keep up such emotion just to communicate. Recently, I was moved enough by the experience of COVID19 and how I saw it playing out in other people’s lives that I felt spurred on to make a connection between what I knew everyday and how I wished I could help people grow. The following is part of what I wrote. It is my description of disability. Then, the article attached is similar, perhaps, it too, can help someone. I look forward to sharing more fully in the lives of people I encounter and hope this experience makes sharing mine more palatable to others. Please share if moved to do so.
Best Always & To Your Health & Joy,
…If COVID19 has changed your life or inconvenienced you I hope you read the article below and consider what it means to have a shared humanity. I wish no person ever had to experience what we know; but I welcome you to the hope of holding on; and pray endurance holds on the days you need it and grace most. With COVID-19 clearly a new point of reference, people are ready for such a message from one such as I, an individual with infantile Cerebral Palsy with acquired Quadriplegia Incomplete C2 spinal cord injury;because the entire world is subject to subordination of self-interests. By virtue of circumstance, people not only know fear, they must wear it — just like the masks shielding face from germ; they wear the aura of their own unknowingness. They squirm, uncomfortable, waiting for answers and solutions that are not theirs just for the taking; feeling for the first time, perhaps, the squeeze of acquiescence, branding them and directing the trajectory of their outcome; shifting their heartsong as Maslow winks; and they move from self-actualization to survival; as Children of a Lesser God, are wont to do: North winds blow and ice doth freeze, opportunity. The Space of Disability belongs to everyone. Some just know it sooner. It’s Fear’s reflection averted; Hope’s brilliance razing. It’s Anger’s rage plowing down what the mind cannot contain. It’s Ignorance’s apathy and the mock of never having known. It’s Sorrow’s solitude and longing, seeking peace.
It’s yesterday’s possibility become true (for a time); (or not); and, today being about peeing more than being, climbing being a stair not a ladder, Giving “thanks” for dressing; nor dressing for Thanksgiving. It’s raw, uncensored, guttural, real, gutsy, resilient, determined; but still… hating the have to, the do-it-anyway, the never a moment free of yourself. It’s the glisten shining in every eye that cares, dares, tears you down or builds you up in the “Imagining of You as Themselves”: “deer in the headlight, swearving to miss, thud, close the eyes, what the Hell, did I hit?” It hit me. . . . (and), well,”Bambi is sweet, poor little one”, “Where’s my 12-gauge, It’s a five- point buck; It’s I don’t like venison; it’s the dent on the car, It’s everything and anything; it’s how the night changed; it’s the cop and ticket, the blood on the grate. It’s nature invaded, habitat gone, seeking nutrition, a pasture, a home. It’s beauty in dusk’s perfect glow. It’s the babies calling splendorous Doe. It’s thae moment you watch and take a deep breath — you stopped on a dime; and all you have left. It’s the “Thank God” moment; the job you still have, the baby the carseat, the mother the wife, the father, the brother the husband — the knife that went through heart invisible pure, woke you up, and set you back; but didn’t go through… and was gone; but you weren’t. It’s the air you breathe, the big EX-hale, mercy, grace, the Holy Grail. It’s the surrender, the gaining, the trust, the thrill of redemption knowing He paid the cost, it’s the freedom — the knowing of truth, the way you can move in and out of this world. It’s the aching and arching, the push and the pull, the seeking for answers, facts unknown. It’s the cut of the ribbon at the end of the race long since over; but you kept a pace all your own — It’s the finish, The Finish, The Start, and the stop; the detours and road-blocks, the road that was not, It’s the line ine the middle, no-passing lane; the kid on the bike there in the way; it’s the curb you tipped over on; the light you ran through; the bird shit that landed; the sky open wide; the grandma on Sunday knitting rocker swinging; and why… there’s no one out there who isn’t like me; We’ve all ran a mile; sat in a tree; fought a battle, whistled a tune, wished on a star, howled at the moon. We all, in a moment, must face ourselves, no matter we chose to or what kind of hell we get into. When the moment comes, the quiet Only Me Wind… That is the moment … You’ll be my Friend. Welcome There’s NO Disability Here, Just people… in the land of the real… and I like you.
Should you ever doubt the dawning of a new day; and your capacity to meet it, unpack the noise around you, strip your life of all except the you that must be faced in the mirror and for a moment, a day, whatever it takes welcome yourself to the space of your own self love. Then, and only then can you brace yourself in the headwinds, become one with the tides of life, and read the color of the sky— for we do not exist in a vacuum; and cannot avoid difficulty; but we can be cleansed in tears, and heartened in laughter; even as we are strengthened by the mere moving forward. and knowingness that comes from self- reflection and sharing a moment or season with others. Coming to terms with For me embracing Self have solitude wing casting off loneliness; it was to give and need no reply, to experience in the moment not in the what if; and to dare go where only faith could reside because answers lay beyond the grasp of soul or mind, except to meet fear and no longer let it take up rent space in my head. Am I there yet? The question speaks its own answer… or does it?
May your questions find answers and peace reign in your hearts.
Welcome to my World. It’s not so bad; you learn what matters quickly; maybe, in the learning and living we’re the lucky ones.