The toxic family system is like all toxic systems— it runs only when people play very specific roles. And at the same time, give up their Self identity.
In healthy families, there’s interdependence— where each member relies on and supports each other. But, they also have individualism, or the space to fully be themselves.
In the toxic family system, when someone starts getting emotionally healthy, friction is creating. Fear and anxiety comes up in other members. “If this person is changing, what does that mean for me.” And if they’re interacting in new ways, what does that mean about the ways I interact now?”
This creates many emotional triggers. The healthy person might hear “oh you’re too good for us now” or “boundaries are ridiculous” or “in my day we didn’t go to therapy and I turned out fine.” These are all shame based statements. A sign that person is feeling unworthy, confused, and *most likely* scared.
It’s helpful as you heal to remember that generations before you had almost zero education on generational trauma. Many people in their 60s, 70s, and 80s, never had the chance to be self aware. And what will become more and more clear to you is most people really are children in adult bodies. Focus on what you can control: you.
If you’re breaking the cycle, expect to trigger people around you. Expect to not always be supported. It can hurt, but you’re doing this for you. And you’re no longer a child needing their approval.
Reminder: if you’re a cycle breaker and you’re looking for community @selfhealers.circle opens Jan 2nd. Spaces are limited so if you *know* you want to join, comment “WAITLIST” then check your DM. We only open this 3 times a year. Next chance to join will be in May #selfhealers
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