The alienated child is coercively controlled, enmeshed and trauma bonded into a confusing, frightening, upsetting and terrible experience. The drip-feeding of a negative narrative about a parent they love and who they are led to believe no longer loves them and/or has abandoned them is immensely difficult for them to process. It’s traumatic, and the alienating behaviours are like a poison entering their system and contaminating them. It is psychological abuse. In order to cope/survive, they will gradually ‘split’ (induced psychological splitting), because of the pressure to align with one parent and reject the other. Because of the indoctrination inflicted on them, subtly, and manipulatively they enter into a shared delusional mindset with the alienating parent and basically succumb. They start believing: I disown / hate / reject my mum/dad, who I loved so much. I know they’ve not actually harmed me, and they love me too, but at the same time, I hear all these things my aligned/alienating mum/dad is saying. It makes me feel protective, upset, and angry. I’m confused. I feel betrayed. This is horrible, I feel bad, and for this, I blame the parent who caused all this. They think I am being controlled but I have a mind of my own. If I have fears and doubts, I hide them. I don’t want to talk about this with anyone. If I think about it, I know deep down, I love my other parent, but I don’t want to feel anymore pain, guilt, or shame. I know what I’m doing. My ‘aligned’ parent needs me, and loves me more, and they do all they do for my sake, to protect me, because they love me. I have to reject the other parent to make my ‘aligned’ parent happy. It’s just easier like this. There must be a reason why this is all happening.
And, when the alienated child finds out the reason for ever ‘hating’ one of their parents was simply because of selfishness and disordered parenting from their apparently protective, caring, loving parent, it is a terrible sense of betrayal.
#charliemccready
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#childpsychologicalabuse
#splitting

