The song ‘Changes’ by David Bowie is a fantastic, exuberant anthem of youth and freedom. What’s interesting is how things take on different meanings as we travel through life. Now when I hear, ‘I turned myself to face me,’ I relate this to facing our demons, something that’s necessary for our healing and, ultimately, our liberation (especially from pain and suffering). It’s not easy to face – and own – the shadow parts of ourselves that have generated problems in our lives. It is easier to blame circumstances or others, which is what an alienating parent does. Facing up to our ‘demons’ (and everyone has them) is hard, but then so is staying stuck in fear, anger, grief and suffering. These negative emotions can imprison us. They can hold us in the past. It’s our life’s work to liberate ourselves. Our children must do the same from the enmeshment of alienating behaviours and a shared delusional pathology with their ‘aligned’ parent. When Bowie sings, ‘and these children that you spit on, as they try to change their worlds, are immune to your consultations, they’re quite aware of what they’re going through.’ I wish the alienated children were free to be their authentic selves rather than indoctrinated by disordered parenting. Some are immune or manage to evade it. Certainly, it takes a cruel, selfish and concerted effort on the alienating parent’s part to get their child to turn against their other loving and loved parent. Their ‘consultations’ are psychological abuse.
This is also a song about reinvention as well as change. It’s about being who we want to be. Free. And not limited, overshadowed, pigeonholed, or coerced into fitting into somebody else’s agenda. When we’re no longer a prisoner of the past, when we face down our present demons, we can be liberated from future suffering. Hunky Dory! This is the title of the album Changes first appeared on, and Bowie said creating it gave him ‘a fabulous groundswell. First, with the sense of: ‘Wow, you can do anything.’ You can borrow the luggage of the past, you can amalgamate it with things that you’ve conceived could be in the future, and you can set it in the now.’ Perfectly put.
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