Loving our enemies doesn’t mean condoning their harmful actions or allowing them to continue hurting us, our children, or anyone. The ‘turning the other cheek’ philosophy is about not reacting to abuse with abuse and retaliation. Mahatma Gandhi’s quote, “An eye for an eye only ends up making the whole world blind,” describes the consequences of how perpetuating a cycle of destructiveness and revenge doesn’t end well for anyone. But don’t our governments get away with warmongering in the name of peace and letting people (such as in Maui recently) go without the support they might expect and have already paid for in their tax dollars? Yes, but no. It’s not a case of forgiving them because they don’t know what they’re doing. Abusers (alienating parents/governments) often know precisely what they’re doing and don’t care. Abusers come dressed up in the guise of caring protectors. They try to fool us and control us, but we see them. Eyes wide open, though there’s usually much more that they invest much time and energy in keeping hidden. Martin Luther King Jr. also said, “A nation that continues year after year to spend more money on military defence than on programs of social uplift is approaching spiritual doom.” We don’t passively accept what they do, but we are more robust and more powerful for responding to mistreatment with non-abusive and non-retaliatory actions, which would probably make things worse and hurt us even more.⁠
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Loving your enemy doesn’t preclude seeking justice for yourself and your children. You can advocate for fair treatment and hold them accountable for their actions while still approaching the situation with compassion. Putting someone in prison for an offence is more compassionate than the death sentence because punishment often worsens the situation. It can exacerbate the anger, malfunction and injustice they already feel. Angry people intent on controlling and harming others from their place of fear and lack of love) will not get better with punitive action. It isn’t restorative.⁠
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Another phrase encapsulates this is: ‘There but for the grace of God go I.’

Understanding why they’re disordered, selfish and vengeful (alienating parents) helps us. We don’t love what they do! But we all have the capacity for mistakes, and perpetuating negativity doesn’t help anyone. Least of all our children. I know this is a tough one to get our heads around. It’s easier to respond in kind, with anger, vengeful thoughts, and pain. But instead of perpetuating hatred and harm, we can create a world where understanding and compassion lead to healing and transformation, both for ourselves and those we may perceive as enemies. In finger-pointing and blame, there is no peace.

charliemccready #9stepprogram