We aren’t attracting abusers into our lives like a magnet because we have the power to choose our relationships, and to determine who we spend our time with. We can create healthy boundaries and recognize when someone is being abusive. We can also make sure that our self-esteem is healthy and strong, so we can recognize when someone is attempting to manipulate us into an unhealthy relationship.
The idea that you are at the mercy of unseen forces in your life that are bent on “teaching you lessons” or helping you “evolve” is usually the language of those who want you to feel that you aren’t in control of your life unless you buy their [fill-in-the-blank].
While it’s true that manipulators and abusers look for certain qualities and traits in potential targets, as long as you practice boundaries and discernment, you can usually circumvent being targeted.
Identifying as an empath, being sensitive, and having a big heart are certainly things that manipulators look for, but these things don’t mean you should walk in fear or distrust everyone you meet. However, you shouldn’t throw caution to the wind simply because someone is charming or offers you high praise, especially if they barely know you.
We encounter narcissists and manipulators everywhere. They’re in our neighborhoods, schools, churches, and workplaces, and can even be your favorite YouTuber.
This is why discernment and letting people earn your trust are paramount.
Some simple ways to avoid becoming a target for abusers and manipulators include:
1 – Listen to your gut/intuition. If something feels ‘off’ about a person, that’s often the first warning sign.
2 – Don’t be immediately influenced by excessive charm or a ‘life of the party’ personality. With a person like this, you should vet them over time to see if they’re genuine or not.
3 – Pay attention to subtle digs and criticisms. These become gargantuan over time when you’re dealing with a manipulator.
4 – In conversations, see if the person holds space for you to share about your life, or whether you can barely get a word in edgewise. Narcissists and manipulators often love to brag about themselves and are great storytellers. This is often a signal that they’re trying to get you to begin a storyline in your mind about them that will be entirely opposite of who they truly are.
Don’t forget to claim your free beginner’s freedom roadmap. It’s been downloaded tens of thousands of times and has helped people across the globe to begin their recovery in gentle and encouraging ways:
One of the most simple stands you can take for yourself is to be willing to walk away – and mean it – when someone begins to overstep your boundaries and tear you down. Second chances are fine, but third chances and counting are where you get yourself into trouble.
Always thinking of you,c
Love, Kim 🕊️