A conversation yesterday went the way of my forgiving my abuser ..mostly to forgive myself …I found myself yet again , as I do from time to time expressing myself , and brought to tears , at a very wonderful point in the day of sun and fun .
Not the 1st time, that it’s happened with this precious individual , but definitely the last …
2 folks resistant, both smoke ,cigarettes and I feel there is a correlation…
Nope as the abuse continues as I am still the offender , as my finances have been mangled, as our sons are still caught up in the parental ownership that silences any healing , which is his point..
Keeping me mentally and emotionally challenged , my finances lowered he still controls his property and I am sure I am only that , nothing more . Truths denied and or projected as my insanity was and has been and will always be abuse .
4 Decades of this , whenever and however it served the ongoing character assignation that saves the facts that would not serve the ” family” …who still holds this energy .
It’s a personal journey , this healing and its individual.
That said , I am not abled nor to I have any desire to repeat any part of past relationships , of dreams that are dead in the water due to delayed personal efforts .
No more time devoted to inactive, non responsive, retentive energies , as I release all that does not serve me . Indications are clear, my future is inspiring and I am aware I need not further drain my energies not in alignment with mine and for all losses what should be will be returning .
I have a better understanding of those who are forever more lost to me , and I dont know if I have anymore tears .
Certainly , not for those so lost that opposing me in all matters , feeds their sense of correctness.
Allowing others their way , in their time corrupts the Divine timeline given me in guidance, as normal I am supported and loved on high , but nothing actualizes, and time marches on, and a barren , hollow sense is implanted , as I grieve , sometimes decades , some times years , as that person has no eyes to see me, no ears to hear me , does not allow me to know I matter , I fade away .. permanence seems more finite nowadays, as my cup begins to fill, and a few folks return , we establish better foundations through experiences and communication. The drastic variance in Beloveds who do not and have had a place in my heart , have no clue that much is lost for them as well. I am however surrendered to my best good , and after 2 lovey days down by the river , I am more sure than ever of the love and joy and peace that awaits from individuals who have no fear and are ready now to show up .🙉🙊🙈
Releasing all that cannot, Do not , perhaps for enterity ,Thy Will Be Done .👁🎯
Blessings & Peace ,