As a veteran of isolation , since childhood
which was part nature , as I preferred the
dream world , version, rather than my
day to day reality, intermittently doused
by light and laughter . It had to be enough
and though I tried to stay centered , the
distanced and dislocated impacted my life
adversely , remaining shadow, without
resolution. Awareness was a wack-a-mole
and adulthood saw me running for my
renewal or claim beginning; the solid
foundation so necessary for true balance .
Impatience, diet, prescription medication
as the abuses within my home towards
me , and each of our sons, as I witnessed
the result of 3 adults , who masked abuse
and addictions , and targeted me in
united family domestic and child abuse .
In pregnancy, I had to learn patience ,
as I relearned the prayer equaled
patience in the last 2 decades , even more
for the RX and knowing advantage taken
that allowed the continuation of these
I learned that patience, prayer , love
and forgiveness are cellular , inherent
in my nature , as is creation, and after
all the tragic lessons , and hell on earth
experiences , I know peace within .
I know love and forgiveness within .
It simply does not make sense to have
mastered so much , weight what I did in
1983, and rejoyce to be alive each
moment, a lover of life , more so for
the love of Divine, the support of many
around the world .
Awareness , of the tremendous efforts of
many in this quest of spiritual liberation
as well as the inability to step back in
time, or have illusion, delusion or
addiction , to what is not in my best
interest . I am certainly aware I have to
accept and surrender to past being
insurmountable , or totally reject me to
infinity… even children, lovers , brothers
sisters and signigant others …as has been
their perogitive , desire that I be dead
after a postmortem, I am certainly ready
and willing to honor her and just be ..
I cannot deny, graduation of 12 steps and
rejection of my essence , in silent living
denial that is death .
While I am very sad to be releasing folks
and situations that have adversely
affected my growth in a perverse
competitive sport . Compounded by child
abuse of 2 generations, my blood kin
in what I have learned is generational ;
with conformations of these abuses in
behaviors, silence , communication and
actions as well as non actions .
Blessings & Peace ,