Dancing With Death -Childress

Dancing with Death

We’re on lock-down here in California and we look to remain so through most of May. Weird world we’re entering.

When we come out of global pandemic lock-down the world won’t be the same, not for me at least. I’m in the vulnerable population for Covid, older with preexisting conditions. If I get Covid that’s most likely it for me.

I have two court-ordered assessments pending that are out of state. They received the court orders for my personal assessment just prior to the global pandemic so things went into lock-down with the assessments still pending.

We’re just waiting for all the stay-at-home orders on both sides to lift and then I’ll travel. As soon as the lock-down in both my location and their’s release, I’ll be traveling to conduct the assessments and I’m considering the relative risks from airports, airplanes, and the virus-level infection rate in the place I’m traveling to.

Can I travel in June? Or is June still to dangerous? Maybe wait until early July, I wonder if that would affect my chance of death-by-travel?

What an odd thing to include in travel considerations, what’s the weather like, don’t forget my toothbrush, and what are my chances of dying? An incorrect choice and I’m dead. Weird world.

I have a deposition in mid-May out of area. I’ll be driving there rather than flying to avoid airports and airplanes in May. I’ll be flying in June. I’m watching the locations I’m traveling to, watching their numbers and wondering if I’ll be safe there by June or is July a more reasonable choice.

There is a push to re-open in many places. I’m one of the “expendable” ones for re-opening, the acceptable collateral damage, so I’ll need to navigate that in the location I’m traveling to as well, the local-area risks. California is responding well so my home location will be one of the safer places, and with added precautions I should be safe here.

Not so other locations. My life is dependent on other’s level of responsibility, and I’m not reassured. The economy is pressing, people are hurting, we will re-open, I might become collateral damage, a necessary sacrifice to our economy.

I watch the news. People protesting for their right to not wear a face mask. A personal choice, a personal right. Even if their “right” leads to the continued spread of Covid and my death. I apparently don’t have a right to live, or at least there’s other things more important than that. I’m the expendable collateral damage necessary for our economy.

Understood.

What about this fall? There’s supposed to be a second wave. It will be at the airports and in airplanes where the greatest danger will be for me, followed by random people wherever I’m at.

I don’t think pandemic is here for me, I suspect I’ll navigate through. Maybe not. Weird world.

I’m not doing in-person convention presentation stuff until there’s a vaccine, too dangerous for minimal value. I’m going to focus on my personal direct assessment and my online consultation support. Cyberspace is entirely safe, I’ll try to live there as much as possible.

I suspect the future of in-person conventions is going to change.

There is no way to predict anything, that’s pretty annoying.

I worked to put myself through school. I’ve worked as a waiter and in construction in my younger days. I understand what is happening economically to people with this lock-down. Many people face severe economic hardships with an uncertain future.

What will the economy look like for our entering young people? For our struggling single-moms, students with their campuses, contract workers, small businesses.

My wife has a family-owned marble and granite business that’s locked down by stay-at-home orders in California. She can do some work from home but a slab of granite can’t be brought into cyberspace.

She’ll need the promised loan-support of the government or her business of family generations will go under. She applied right away with her established bank, the money was gone already. Her business hangs on the edge of bankruptcy from the lock-down, sleepless nights for her, for many, for nearly everyone.

We’ve lost more lives to Covid already than in Vietnam, and it’s only the start of May.

They talk about us achieving “herd immunity” once 70% of everyone has been infected, that’s a dangerous lot of virus surrounding us until we get there, and when the result is I’m dead if I get it, herd immunity at a 70% infection rate is not a reassuring goal.

A vaccine will come at some point, I just need to dance through dangers until in arrives. And until then I’ll be placing my life on the line every time I’m in public, and every time I travel. I’m one of the “expendable” ones for the financial needs of our economy.

I’m old. If the death rate needs to increase among our old people in order to get our economy under way again, I understand. We’ve had our time here, an unfortunate culling of the herd. I’m in the “expendable” collateral damage category. It’s a matter of our values, what’s important.

I’m going to have to navigate airports, airplanes, and meetings with the random people wherever I go, without getting Covid. Weird world when one’s relative chances of dying becomes part of one’s travel planning.

I’m applying for Valhalla. If I go with pandemic, I’m putting in for Valhalla, and I want Valkyries.

I figure fighting for your children is a battle, so I’m expecting Valkyries, I’m okay with that, be kind of a nice way to travel over instead of some guy in a boat or with that sickle thing.

So I’m putting the universe on notice, if I get Covid from my travel I’m expecting Valkyries, it’s battle, I’m in on a technicality but I don’t care, if I leave on Covid from my travels I want Valkyries.

I’ll pass through this. I don’t think pandemic is my “cause of death,” I’ll put my money on stroke in about five years, that’s my selection in the office pool… uhh, but that’s not exactly reassuring. It’s different when your 65 not 45 or 25, the future takes a different edge that doesn’t exist before.

We make room for our children. If we didn’t leave it’d get too crowded, we need to make room for our children, everyone has a turn, I had mine, I made good use of it, now I’m here, I’m still making good use of it, but it’s my children’s turn, no worries, that’s how it works.

Hopefully not yet, and either way it’s a win-win, I get more time or I get Valkyries as my escort over.

I’m making travel plans for a deposition in a couple of weeks, then travel for some assessments. When? June? Will it be safe then?

No. Safety is not assured now with anything at all.

Never has been. It’s always been an illusion, security and safety.

I bought a medieval plague mask from Amazon when pandemic came, it’s due for delivery in June. Just in time, I think I’ll use it for travel. It’d make for an interesting sight in the local airport passing through security, and sitting in Row 15 Window seat – a medieval plague doctor wandering in-among pandemic.

Weird world.

Craig Childress, Psy.D.
Clinical Psychologist, PSY 18857

Author: GreatCosmicMothersUnited

I have joined with many parents affected with the surreal , yet accepted issue of child abuse via Pathogenic Parenting / Domestic abuse. As a survivor of Domestic Abuse, denial abounded that 3 sons were not affected. In my desire to be family to those who have found me lacking . As a survivor of psychiatric abuse, therapist who abused also and toxic prescribed medications took me to hell on earth with few moments of heaven. I will share my life, my experiences and my studies and research.. I will talk to small circles and I will council ; as targeted parents , grandparents , aunts , uncles etc. , are denied contact with a child for reasons that serve the abuser ...further abusing the child. I grasp the trauma and I have looked at the lost connection to a higher power.. I grasp when one is accustomed to privilege, equality can feel like discrimination.. Shame and affluence silences a lot of facts , truths that have been labeled "negative". It is about liberation of the soul from projections of a alienator , and abuser ..

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