This is not about child custody. None of this is about child custody. The pathology of the allied parent is manipulating the child and the situation to make this about child custody (possession of the child – the child as property). But that’s not true.
It’s a lie. This pathogen lies, it lies a lot, it lies all the time.
This is not about child custody.
It’s about spousal abuse. The emotional abuse of the ex-spouse using the child as the weapon.
This is fundamentally, at it’s core, an IPV spousal abuse pathology (Intimate Partner Violence; “domestic violence”).
Custody is simple. Each parent should have as much time and involvement as possible. Period. That’s it.
If there are child protection concerns, then we protect the child. Child protection concerns should be accompanied by a DSM-5 diagnosis of child abuse. If there’s no DSM-5 diagnosis of child abuse, then each parent should have as much time and involvement with the child as possible.
Generally, that’d break out to be 50-50%. Giving one parent more time and involvement than the other would harm both the parent and the child. Mothers are important, fathers are important.
What if there’s conflict between the child and one parent?
Child custody time is not a form of family therapy.
Simple as that. If there’s conflict, we fix it in family therapy. Child custody time is not a form of family therapy. If there are no child protection concerns, then each parent should have as much time and involvement with the child as possible.
Generally, that’d be 50-50%. We learn sharing in preschool, we call it taking turns, this is not hard or complicated.
Child custody is not the issue.
What about situations where the parents live too far apart for the day-to-day schooling of the child?
Then you give one parent the school-week and the other parent every-other-weekend, with a visitation-evening during the week. This is not complicated. This is not about child custody.
But what about the parent-child conflict?
That’s a treatment issue, not a custody issue. Child custody is not a form of family therapy.
Parents have the right to parent according to their cultural values, personal values, and religious values. We do not take children away from parents unless there are child protection concerns… no child protection concerns, then there is no justification for intruding into the values and rights of parents.
If there are child protection concerns, these concerns should be accompanied by a DSM-5 diagnosis of child abuse:
V995.54 Child Physical Abuse
V995.53 Child Sexual Abuse
V995.52 Child Neglect
V995.51 Child Psychological Abuse
If there is no DSM-5 diagnosis of child abuse, then there are no child protection concerns that would require restricting a parent’s time and involvement with their child.
This is not a child custody issue. It is a spousal abuse issue (IPV). The allied parent is using the child as a weapon of savage and brutal emotional abuse of the ex-spouse for the failed marriage and divorce.
This isn’t a custody issue. It’s a spousal abuse issue, one spouse-and-parent using the child as a weapon.
Children are not weapons. They should never be used as weapons in the spousal conflict surrounding divorce.
Craig Childress, Psy.D.
Clinical Psychologist, PSY 18857