He’s Pisces ,
Totally in alignment with my need 🎁💯😘
This is Universal Law that rocks far and above Human Kind
as we witness in all aspects of present , which evokes the
tower moments of purification , that our New Earth
servers in balance and harmony as was the intent .
The pathogen seeks to split and divide, to isolate its victim from support. The pathogen seeks to create conflict, in order to divide. It doesn’t want a united voice.
Targeted parents are split from each other, rejected fathers are split from rejected mothers. The pathogen wants this division.
The pathology is nearly identical across genders – there tends to be a more narcissistic-style that has stronger IPV components of spousal abuse, and there is more a borderline-style that has stronger anxiety features and false allegations associated with it.
These pathology differences may have some gender associations (narcissistic ex-husbands with IPV spousal abuse and borderline ex-mothers with false allegations), but these are merely variants of an underlying core trauma pathogen.
The source of the pathology is the same, the trans-generational transmission of attachment trauma through the formation of a cross-generational coalition of the allied parent with the child against the targeted parent. (I wish I had a simpler label for this form of pathology, let’s call it AP-PA for discussion purposes).
Rejected mothers tend to face a more narcissistic-style ex-husband with stronger IPV components, rejected fathers tend to face a more borderline-style ex-wife with an activated trauma history. The pathology style is simply a variant of the pathogen.
I would urge (supposedly) rejected parents to come together to support each other (I say “supposedly” rejected because the child isn’t authentic, it’s not real, the rejection is not authentic). In healthy families, moms support dads and dads support moms. That’s what we should be doing, intentionally, to bring unity and end division.
I’m a dad, so I’ll speak to dads. I know there is a “dad’s rights” movement in child custody and visitation. I fully understand the origins for this. Our historical prejudice of from the 1940s and 50s meant that in the early days of divorce, beginning in the 70s and 80s, we favored mothers in child custody decisions.
Father’s love their kids too. “Hey, I love my kids just as much as their mother does,” said fathers. Society and the courts agreed, and shifts began to take place. That was the origin of the father’s rights movement, “Hey, I love my kids too.” Entirely reasonable and completely understandable.
What was unfortunate is that elevating the role of fathers created an artificial conflict with mothers, it polarized the debate and dialogue into conflict. It’s not about mothers versus fathers – each is entirely and completely important.
In healthy families, moms support dads and dads support moms. In divorce we’ve fallen into a family pathology of conflict. We need to bring that to an end. Moms are important. Dads are important. Equally important.
I want the “father’s rights” movement to consider adjusting their position statements to include additional statements supporting the rights of mothers relative to child-rejection and the pathology of “parental alienation” following divorce. I think fathers making a statement of support for rejected-mothers of this “alienation” pathology would be extremely valuable in ending the rift. Dads support moms.
It would make a profound statement of healthy fathers.
And moms should do the same for rejected fathers. Moms support dads. The National Organization of Women and domestic violence organizations should speak up for fathers who are simply seeking to love their children, but can’t because of the pathology of their ex-spouse. And moms, you should be advocating with these organizations for women for the “alienated” dads of post-divorce pathology. Moms support dads.
Fathers loving children is a good thing. Women and mothers should provide their full support for this. Moms support dads.
This pathology is dominated by splitting – a polarized perception and locked-in frozen rigidity. Solutions that escape the pathology will need to bring integration of polarities. You can start that – you parents. Dads, make a point to speak for the role and importance of mothers – and moms, make a point to speak to the importance of dads in the life of the child… and moms, advocate with your organizations for the visitation rights of dads. Dads, do the same. Support moms who are simply seeking to love their children.
This post-divorce family conflict pathology is caused by the pathology of the ex-spouse, it’s not a division between mothers and fathers. It’s the activation of pathology surrounding divorce.
The pathogen seeks to divide and isolate. It wants to create conflict. Consider your role in bringing conflict and division to an end. We support each other, moms and dads both. Your shared commonality is that you just want to love your children – and – your ex-spouse has unresolved trauma history from their childhood that’s making an absolute mess of everything.
The pathogen lies. Have I mentioned that? It lies all the time. How do you know when the pathogen is lying? It’s lips are moving.
It wants to divide mothers from fathers. Don’t let it. Moms are important, dads are important. Healthy parents understand this, so dads support moms and moms support dads. That’s what healthy moms and dads do.
We are bringing solutions… and normal-range sanity… to post-divorce family conflict. This is not a battle between mothers and fathers, it is shared advocating for moms and dads who love their kids – and who are struggling with the pathology of their ex-spouse which was activated by the spousal rejection inherent to divorce.
The child is being used as a weapon of spousal emotional abuse by the allied parent against the targeted parent for the failed marriage and divorce. This isn’t a mom-issue or a dad-issue, it’s an unresolved trauma pathology in the ex-spouse issue, unresolved trauma that is being activated by divorce.
The pathogen seeks to divide and isolate its victims. Don’t let it. Moms support dads, and dads support moms. That’s healthy mom-ing and dad-ing.
Craig Childress, Psy.D.
Clinical Psychologist, PSY 18857