A child’s deepest emotional wounds are typically inherited from the parents – but it is not the parents’ fault.
Here’s How It Happens:
Every family has a certain sensibility around what is “normal and good” and what is not. When a child strays outside this zone, the parents will guide her back, which is fine—but then there is a vast range of styles and values around how to get this done.
How does a family get its kids back into the desired zone? Does it use patient explanations? Does it allow for questioning and discussion?
Or does it use sarcasm and ridicule? Does it use physical violence? Does it use shame?
Or does it demand a “perfect image” in front of friends and outsiders? And hold “perfection and success” as a condition for “earning love”?
Every family will have a “typical mode” of how it teaches values and enforces behavior. And if the normal mode of a family makes heavy use of unquestionable, unexplained rules, shame, sarcasm and violence – or even “perfection and achievement” as ways to “earn love” – then a powerful inner voice of “never good enough” will develop as a result.
This harsh, bullying inner voice will then be active in the mind, long after the child has grown up — and even after her parents have passed on. The self-negative voice lives on in the mind, wreaking havoc on health and home – even spreading to ones own children – until the person is able to pin it down, and self-heal it.
Who’s to blame in all this?
Since this self-negative inner voice must be inherited in order to be passed on, it is not really fair to blame any single generation of parent in the long flow of generations.
Said another way, if you feel you got a self-negative inner voice from your own parents, it is not fair to blame just them, because they got it from their parents too. Your specific strain of self-negative inner voice has traveled a long way to get to you — it has transmuted and come down through countless generations of your family, right alongside your hair color, religious beliefs and language. It’s all one flow.
And as a parent yourself, if you feel that you may doing this to your own children, and yet do not know how to stop it — this also is not your fault — you are simply speaking to them in a version of the same language you learned as a child, from your own parents. It’s all one flow.
How to Fix it
Fortunately, this accidental wounding of one’s children can also be prevented and fixed, using a series of protective measures to protect your child from the emotional pain of this unintentional wound.
Here is the link to the First Protective Measure, which you can use to self-assess and quickly fix this problem for your own child — it is an extremely effective and easy technique, and is explained in a 9-minute audio briefing so you can listen from anywhere.
You will be able do it immediately with your child, even as soon as you finish the briefing.
I guarantee that by the end of this short session, you will have a powerful, yet straightforward technique to protect and immunize your child from this lifelong source of emotional pain and wounding.
founder, preside meditation