For many children, anger comes from 4 distinct drivers, each being a powerful inner feeling that “there is something inherently wrong with me”.
The four drivers are:
The feeling that I am “not good enough” at some skill or ability, like being popular, getting good grades, sports or something else I “should” be good at.
The feeling that my body is not good enough — I am not thin enough, strong enough, tall enough or pretty enough.
The feeling that I am somehow the “wrong kind” of person — it could be my gender, my race, religion or even my personality.
The feeling that “I will be loved only if I am X.” This “X” could be based on my grades (competence), my body appearance (body), my willingness to “change who I am” (identity) or something else, where the child feels he will ONLY get love, IF a separate condition is also met.
The Most Damaging Driver of Child Anger
Of these four, the most powerful and damaging is Relationship — the feeling that I am loved “only if” something else, because it implies that love depends on something other than the child himself – that he is not lovable simply on his own, with NO other requirements. For any person, child or adult, this is one of the deepest sources of lifelong emotional pain.
For a child, if the seed of this belief is planted and not corrected, it will lead to feelings of low self-worth, anxiety, depression and even self-harm, all throughout their lives.
For many children with anger issues, this is the where the anger is coming from.
It Comes From One’s Parents, But It’s Not Their Fault
The feeling of being loved “only if” comes primarily from one’s parents — BUT it is not their fault. It is the result of a simple but colossal misunderstanding between parents and children — one that is completely accidental and unintentional.
Thankfully, it can also be fixed and healed, using a series of protective measures to protect your child from the emotional pain of this unintentional wound.
Below is the link to the First Protective Measure, which you can use to self-assess and quickly fix this problem for your own child— it is an extremely effective and yet easy technique, and is explained in a short audio session so you can listen from anywhere.
You will be able do it immediately with your child, even as soon as you finish the briefing.
And YES it will work even if only one parent does it, and the other one is not involved.
I guarantee that by the end of this short session, you will have a powerful, yet straightforward technique to protect and immunize your child from this lifelong source of emotional pain and wounding.
founder, preside meditation