Surrender is often taboo, like death , it’s an unknown
a frontier of fear and dank and darkness …I was so there
for so many years , 13 as a over medicated , ” mental”
patient ..my journaling attest to my effort to connect
with Spirit ..I know I would have exited had it not been
for each of our sons, my parents , siblings etc.
An induced ” attempted ” suicide via an RX , was inferred
as my emotional state due to a divorce ..
My “emotional state ” was 3600 mg of a highly addictive
RX , and a partner leaving our home to be happy , and
sharing that happy publicly..crowing …adding to the shame
then projected blame , sailing through with aide of his personal
family supplier of funds ..His Beloved …no doubt ” Bonded
in trauma , owning an elitist mentality and barren emotional
addictive life style that defied spirit or growth..
It has long since been in my stages of recovery , that retaliation
would not be my focus , but that’s still the perception of folks
whose fear drives them..I know this…I am there focused on
reclaiming my personhood …My fragmented heart , has been
patched with with such gold as to certify as a glow worm !
In that my Beloved shared her dream of me as a child , as
this child had known deep shadow , and much separation
and trauma, Beloved saw me as a very happy child self again.
Showing my child self picture , she smiled and said, yes that was
your child healed and happy in my dream..
This yet another profound gift , I wish to share , a gift..
“Until you surrender your need to know why things happened
to you as they did , you will hold on to those wounds with intense
emotional fire . Your mind will want to heal but your pride , anger
and emotions will remain caught up in wanting to make sure
that the people who hurt you feel bad about what they’ve done.
Or you may want to hurt the, back . But rest assured , your emotional
self will remain attached to unfinished business rooted in feelings
of abandonment and humiliation , of having lost something or
being cheated . Your mind may do what’s required for healing
and go through all the prescribed steps , but your heart will never
fully participate in the healing process . In the end, forgiveness is
an act of release , surrendering a need for explanation . From that
prospective , forgiveness has nothing to do with the individuals
who harmed you . It is the act of accepting that there is a greater
map of life , through which many rivers of events and relationships
all interconnected . Forgiveness is your release from the hell
of events and relationships , all interconnected. Forgiveness is your
release from hell of wanting to know what cannot be known and
and wanting to see others suffer because they have hurt you.”
It is a reclamation , after too many years of non negotiation , which
has been an equation of his children/grandchild are his ..I own
half ” his” property .. Does not compute , and I am ever Thankful
to throw down this monkey , a circus that supports ErasingFamilies
or Domestic Abuse , and move into manifesting safety for those
in need …Praying divine assist his journey ..
2019 is a very special, a very holy new beginning …🙏🏼
It is so for me , as we Spirituality Detox these dank shadows
know it’s soon to be de solved as more light evaporates
Journeying closer and closer in heart’s longing for harmony .
Blessings & Peace