Kim Siaeed
There is a lot of debate about someone having narcissistic traits vs. having NPD.
I personally don’t believe there’s a big difference, and here’s why:
Traits are long-term patterns of behavior, not when someone acts uncharacteristically on a random occasion. “Random” refers to the lack of a predictable pattern. If someone’s traits are persistent, dysfunctional, and abusive, then there really is no difference, and this is not a trait, it’s a pattern. It only takes a single narcissistic trait to severely damage another person’s life if it’s something they’re subjected to repeatedly.
The focus on whether someone has narcissistic traits or NPD is misguided. The focus should be on how someone’s behavior affects your well-being in day-to-day life. There should be no space held for someone who repeatedly subjects you to a narcissistic “trait”; no justifications, no intellectualizing the WHY, no eternal analysis of whether it’s “just a trait” or whether someone has a personality disorder.
It truly doesn’t matter what a person’s story is if how they treat you makes you hurt. Pretend that the term ‘narcissist’ doesn’t exist. In this scenario, decide whether their “trait” is something you want to spend an indefinite amount of time being subjected to and whether it’s worth martyring your life for.
Cheating, lying, betrayal, entitlement, cold indifference, mocking you, tearing down your self-esteem, destroying your other important relationships, destroying your reputation and livelihood…these are examples of things that should not be tolerated, regardless. This includes if you’re married to the person.
The idea that we all have narcissistic traits or that there’s a BIG difference between traits vs. NPD is overculture’s effort to normalize toxic behaviors that hurts others. Until we stop normalizing hurtful behaviors and abuse, things will not get better.
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