It is Christmas, supposedly a time for celebration. But not for many. Not just with your families, but for so many.
Our children in the foster care system, unwanted, struggling for self-esteem and to be loved, abandoned and on their own. Families of poverty, struggling for basic necessities, abandoned and on their own. Children and their parents who are struggling with medical issues, medical dangers, and threats to health. War, violence, loss, and grief; abandoned and on their own.
There is a shadow side to the light, sorrow to celebration; a sorrow the celebrants don’t want to see. I know, because I’m a clinical psychologist. We move toward suffering, that’s our world when others move on, when no one sees, where no one is. That’s where clinical psychologists go.
I actually don’t want to be working with court-involved family conflict, I want to return to my kids in foster care. They need me the most… them and your kids. Your families are easier though, because your kids are loved, there’s just a breach in love. That’s an easy fix, once we see the pathogen. My foster care kids, though… it’s tough when you’re a kid and no one loves you.
So once we fix this and get your kids back in your arms – and we will get your kids back in your arms – today is good… now would be good – then I’ll head on back to my foster care kids, working with foster parents, teaching trauma-informed parenting responses that heal. I think I’ll bring Dorcy with me to the foster care kids and the foster parents. They’ll like that, a lot.
But first things first, we have damaged love, and loss, and grief to solve, here. With you. There is no greater pain than a parent who has lost a child. I’m so sorry for what is happening to you. We need to make it stop, as soon as we possibly can.
For a clinical psychologist, celebrations happen later, after the psychologist leaves and things are fixed, and we move on to other suffering. I’m a clinical psychologist, I’m here to work with your suffering… to make it stop. I’ll be here til it stops, I’ll be here until all of your children are back in your arms. Then I’ll smile, and go back to my foster care kids, they need so much, and their foster parents, bless them.
Seasonal holidays aren’t just about celebration, though. They’re about the cycles and flow of love, of nature, of the forces of the world… the rhythms of life.
Winter is the quite time of reflection, a quiet time for spiritual consolidation, preparing ourselves on the inside for the coming spring and reemergence of life. Nurture yourself. You have been through a lot, nurture yourself…. do it for me… for Dr. C. Do something nice for you…. from me.
You are not alone. Thousands and thousands of parents are with you, I’m here and I’m not going anywhere, Dorcy is a force of nature… you’re not alone. Get in touch with the winter season, the rhythm of life, the quiet time of consolidation and nurture.
With spring comes new life, a new world is reborn. There will be a great deal of action with the coming spring. Winter is the quiet time before, and the winter’s solstice celebrates this time of inward mindfulness, and a celebration of the forces of life; all life, and the rhythms of life.
Blessings and peace this holiday season.
Craig Childress, Psy.D.
Clinical Psychologist, PSY 18857
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