My ” mom/dad” , nurturing Dad , James , who exited
in January 2012, and whose birthing day was January
5 th , 1930. I was born Feb 29 , 1952, his desire for a son
first time child with Mom, Joyce . Mom had a daughter
who was born on Feb 29th 1948, whom was 1 year
old at the time of their marriage March 4 th 1949
In 1951, Mom was rejected by OB as being in labor
and spontaneously delivered Joyce Marie in 1951,
who had died and begun signs of decomposing
Dad explained . Blisters on her body , which is
buried , unmarked in the ancestral church grave
I was born in 52, and I’m sure Mom had C-PTSD
and my inability to nurse ,regrettably created
more grief and shame . I had to be returned to the
hospital , severely dehydrated , 5 days after birth.
Dad explained that Mom’s had been unable to
nurture me, and if he had not nurtured me
no one else would have .
I was very happy to have the awareness that he
was slipping away , slowly and we talked of
heart matters and cleared so much , that lacked
only his being made aware , as I did from child
hood on. One pop from his belt , left one mark
and I stood up to him at that time , aged 4/5
and he never ever used physical violence
He may not have understood me , always but
he wasn’t vicious , or silently withdrawn , we
cleared our stuff and moved onward , never
brought up again.
His last years , were of lifting from a depression
of Mom’s exit in 1999. His restricted life was
a form of self protection , and withdrawal from
family members he came to be reunited with
his last years..The last 5 1/2 months , were high
low and everything between, until his finale .
The growth , the healing, the love as well
as undeniable realities , will lend themselves
to my efforts in transformation , as I witnessed
denial of dignity , and much adverse action
that’s is barbaric . I grasp that it was after-all his
his journey , and I was but a part of it.
The dynamics allowed me to understand my
” caregiving ” was and is instinctive , and
more on mark than not , and the Divinity
and Light of my essence was always tested
in a family , that’s fractured traumatic parts
are denied , and that allowed my poor choices
and failures to escape the mindset of energy
of compliance to abuse in male dominate
examples, ie ” former” ..
I’m not the ” fixer” , it’s not my job , but the
experience of being with Dad as he exited
watching his awareness of spirit guides
and his acceptance , as I witnessed his ” labor”
in returning to the womb of the great mother
my joy was absolute for I knew he would return
as he has in spirit. Our circle , will not be
broken, and he will present in another form,
as he pledged to me , and I to him , as “family
soul mates ” , I His ” Mom, and emotional partner
who grasped his deepest joy and pain, as it
came up in loudness, or harshness or anger ,
his lack of understanding , helplessness
and yes his failings and unhealed trauma ..
We nurtured each other , and it wasn’t grasped
in a dynamic of not communication basic life
issues , and silently approved of disenchantments
and divisions within families .
With Dad’s exit , I stepped away from ” family”
withholders, and abuses that defy what my
perception of family is..
Certainly many ” triggered” acts that related to
” formers” disposal/abuses as if from a play book,
and finally much can be put to rights .
And that gift 🎁, from Dad to me, was not to give
up.. truth and light did , and still do cast away
shadows ; James (supplementor) Abner( Father Of
Light) Wheeler ( wheelwright) was transforming
and transformed from moral suffering , very passionate
and attached , who missed his Mom, Minnie
and felt Mom’s presence and essence until
he exited. Time stopped for him with her passing
as I witnessed in preparing their home for
organization , and ease in preparing , finding
treasures along the way , sharing with him
then siblings ..
Challenges were many , but I know, that he
knows I did my best; he lets me know👍🏼🤓♥️
So missing his actual voice , or physical
presence is tempered by his freedom from
the constraints and trauma and torture of
our current transformation , towards heaven
on earth , I fully expected to be reunited with
Dad , and Mom, on a cosmic level for a reunion
of joy , and bliss that will include many souls
gone before me ..
Happy Birthday Daddy
Love Always & Forever